The villains are made. But what of the new hero’s?

Hello!

 

As the title suggests, the villains have been created. The villains of my sequel to the Bugbear adventure I’m preparing to write that is. I found some notes from around 18 months ago that had, along with the Vampire, Gargoyle, Dragon and Demon, Giants and Werewolves as the villains for this sequel of mine. And, though writing about Giants and Werewolves sounds great, I didn’t fancy having to juggle too many bad guys at any given time. I have finished the villain’s short story that I mentioned at the end of my last post and have crafted the starts of a plan for the villains to combat the new scourge of their lives, the hunters. A plan is in motion so when I come to write the whole sequel, I can at least have a starting point.

I considered writing about the Giants and Werewolves but I’d prefer to be able to calmly create four villains than possibly botch creating six. And in the past I’ve not enjoyed creating loads of villains anyway. I’ve already got seven (so far) hunters to scribble about and I’ve decided to make three out of the four villains have vast amount amounts like them as well. The Vampire will at least have an army at his disposal. An army which can be added to at any time. And, three of the seven hunters only saw real battle at the end of Town of the Mountain, so they’re on a steep learning curve to say the least. Which is the main focus of….

My next short story. Which is already finished! It concerns the newest hero’s to this tale, three of the four hunters that survived almost being beaten to death by the hunters of the town of the mountain, who then survived a hoard of bugbears not long afterwards (for more information, either ask me or look back over my previous blog posts). The three, Jackson, Meredith and Albert, have been sent to London to tackle its Dragon problem. They engage the beast in a heated physical and mental battle before the Dragon retreats. Or so they think. These three may or may not act separately from the main hunters but I’m not quite sure yet. I’ll have to mull it over. I’m glad it all formed on the page enough so that I had a starting point at least. I’m yet to write all the character profiles so this could all go out of the window.

Anyway, in between all of this I’ve kept on reading Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson. I’m just about getting used to the language used, which is well old and with a lot of Scottish words and ways of speaking, but thankfully I can still read it smoothly enough. If I couldn’t, the book would have been out of the tram window in no time. I’ll let you know if I do. And try and take of picture of it as well.

Right then, Bye!

 

A small slice of my NaNoWriMo 2013 novel. Constructive feedback is most welcome.

Hello

Today I’m going to share with you the first page of my 2/3 of the way finished novel for NaNoWriMo 2013, The End Solution. If you’d be so kind, could you read it and give me some constructive feedback. But before all of that, here’s a bit of a plot summary…

The government found out about the chemical, which flows through just about everyone and controls whether or not they commit a crime depending on how much of it is in their system, and how to extract it. A person who has had the chemical extracted will never commit another crime. This has led to them cleaning up the UK and making it virtually crime free. But, they rule with an iron fist and ‘remove’ anyone who talks about them in a negative way. After one of their experiments escapes and bites quiet and reserved office worker Bruce Avenly on the neck, they have achieved their ultimate dream. They have created a walking deterrent against crime. Bruce can extract the chemical when he wants by sucking it out of someone then and there. Bruce finds that everything about him ten times better and his confidence is through the roof. He is declared an outlaw after they first claim to want his help, then want him dead. Can Bruce find out the answers he needs before the chemical thirst takes over? Can he help free a scared UK out of a dictatorship? Or will he use his new found gifts to terrorize those he loves and everyone else?

Like the title says, your constructive feedback is welcome and if you have any questions, just ask. It has only been through a few edits but I’m looking for some initially reaction to it before I continue my edit. Cheers

The End Solution by John Robert Sermon.

Most of the time he struggled to smell anything else but the chemical. Bruce Avenly has been walking around like this for the last four months and the only time he didn’t smell the chemical was when he passed out due to sleep deprivation.

His face had been plastered all over the government reports and country wide newspapers. There was page after page of glorious lies that they, from the looks of things, had spent a lot of time and money on to turn the country against him. I’m now some kind of monster to be feared? He thought. He stopped walking and moved to the inside of the pavement.

“The chemical is ripe in someone close by.” He said to himself. He lent against the wall of a pub he always used to walk past on his way home. He had never been in there or ever wanted to. But he did find himself missing the routine of walking past it ten times a week to and from work. It certainly beat being an outlaw, he reasoned. He shook off his latest sentimental moment and glanced around for who it might be. He remembered that the last one took a lot of effort and blood loss to completely extract the chemical from. Even then he wasn’t sure it would cure them completely as he never waited around long enough to find out.

“There you are.” He said not caring who could hear him. He looked across the road over four lanes of traffic, the farthest smelling yet he briefly contemplated, at a scrawny looking woman with thin, ravaged, dirty blond hair. She looked drawn and very frail. He took a deep breath and smelt the chemical that was coursing through her veins. It smelt like it always did. A rich tangy metallic smell with a hint of sweat and salt. He both loved and hated the it in equal measure. He casually walked to the nearest crossing and made his way over to her side of the road.

“I’ll get the money tonight mate. Don’t worry.” She said loudly down her phone. Bruce kept a good distance behind her and even if he had stayed on the other side of the road he could’ve clearly smelt her. The scent is always strongest in people who will or who have committed serious crimes. He was confident he could over power her as he always is in the prelude to extracting the chemical. It was the screaming and blood he had to worry about. She pocketed the phone and turned down an alleyway. One of many things Bruce loved about Manchester was how in most cases one alleyway led into another which will eventually lead you back to its centre or back to where you started. He had tried to explain this to a lot of people but they could only slightly understand what he was saying. He remembered mumbling a lot before he became what he is today. He did prefer some things about being human than being a chemical vampire but he hated a lot of things as well. His lack of confidence to say what he wanted to say or do what he wanted to do was something he did not miss at all.

He looked around to see where she was. He spotted her in the distance standing on a street corner. She was stepping from side to side and waiting for something. He knew what she was waiting for. She moved like every other prostitute he’d ever seen. But the chemical was so rich within her that she was more of a danger to her client’s life than the average prostitute was. A silver BMW drove passed and then slowly turned around. Bruce quickly walked up to the car as it pulled up next to her.

Another draft of a short story of mine.

Hello

This is another draft of my take on the vampire myth entitled ‘The End Solution’. I have posted one draft before in a previous post if you feel like comparing them.

Feedback would be awesome. Thank You

End Solution.

This attention following my unwanted rise to fame is running me ragged. They keep coming thick and fast even though they swear they mean me no harm. How can riot police scream such a phrase? I’m sure they can’t find me in here. I need to take my mind off this so I can relax and try to recover. I’ll do my usual trick. But I think I’ll commit my rebirth to this note book I took from them. I’m not about to let them get away with anything. Once I get things sorted, they’ll be sorry they ever tried to stop me.

Work was what it was; Nice but a bore. I could do everything on my team without really thinking about it which is standard when working in administration for over a year. The internet became half of my working day as a result. I was always just biding my time in that place. There’s only so many times you can be told something will come around so keep up the good work before slowly beginning to lose your will to live. Though thankfully my friends help me stay alive.

“Hey, Avenly. Get some work done! I don’t pay you to look at the news.’ Peter said this usually once or twice a day when ever one of the higher ups walked passed. He would then come over and read the news with me closely followed by Amanda and Mark. We were close friends and had had many a good night out together. I tried to go and see them but no matter how much control I think I have, it still isn’t enough. I watched them have a drink a few weeks ago before Amanda turned round and clocked me. I managed to run away before she came out to find me.

What the government has done to me fills me with a mixture of anger and hope. Anger that they would do such things to normal people just because they were different and feel they have the right to and hope because I can use what they did to me to put the country right. I realise the power I have but all I need is a complete plan. I can smell the ones that need to be killed but do I go at it randomly or in some kind of order?

The day I was created always goes through my head along with those bloody news reports. They established long ago that each person who committed a fatal act had a chemical in their blood that facilitated such an act. The tests they ran on the volunteers, who turned out to be criminals that were forced into it for their freedom, conclusively showed that this chemical could be removed and they could re-enter society without any threat to anyone. The volunteers were never freed at all. My visit to the government building to read and take some documentation on the subject some five days ago, which has increased the number of police after me,  showed me that some of them were found to act ‘in an undignified manner’ and were exterminated because of it. The documents show exactly what they did to my creator and the two hundred thousand. I won’t let them get away with this.

From my desk I could see the building where those tests had been conducted and are still probably being conducted now. The question I always had was how would they locate and extract the chemical. I thought I’d be happy knowing the answer, but now that I do and I am the answer, happiness is far from how I feel.

I left work that day and went passed the building to go home. It’s an ominous thing to look at with its Lord of the Rings style two towers that seemed to glare down on people. Every so often the light would catch it and it almost looked like the towers had eyes. I continued until I saw the crowd outside its main entrance as usual. They were always there trying to get information or complaining about the tests they were doing even though till that point it had clearly made the country a better place. I can see their side of things now.

I glanced up at the windows of the smaller office building that joined the two towers together and saw my creator running wildly through the corridor. I was frozen in shock. I can’t believe that that was all I could do. How small of a man was I until this all happened? I can’t imagine acting like that now.

He blasted through the main doors of the building with a wild and confused look in his eyes. Hair everywhere and whatever wasn’t covered by hair was covered by blood. People were screaming and running but I just couldn’t bloody move. I wondered why he was in such a state which gave him enough time to reach me. I tried to move but his grip was too much. His eyes seemed to say that he’d chosen me as he jumped and easily knocked me to the ground. When I tried to get him off me with my meagre strength he looked me in the eye and I couldn’t and still can’t really believe it. Was that happiness in his eyes? Like he was happy to attack me? I know now that he was. Still in shock I allowed him to bite me and though it lasted only a minute I felt its effects immediately.

It felt like he was sucking and blowing on my neck. Taking blood out and putting it back in again to mix it with mine was what it was. When he jumped off me I could feel it course through my body immediately and I had the overwhelming feeling that I was constantly drinking my favourite drink but as I drank my thirst increased. It was as glorious as it was painful. I miss that feeling and the few I’ve fed on so far haven’t come close. I fell to the ground and as I got back up, the feeling changed. A distinct odour filled my nose and made my fingers tingle. It was the same feeling I got whenever I caught the smell of my favourite cake being made or meal being cooked. As people ran past, still screaming and frightened, they all gave off the same odour. I leant against a nearby pole and just took the smell in. It was like nothing I’d ever smelt before. It was the chemical coursing through their veins.

I received a text message from Amanda which said something like ‘Hey Bruce RU ok? I can see people running around. If UR ok, we’re going for a drink in the usual place xx’. I genuinely thought to myself, Why not? I could have one drink and smell my friends. That has to go down as the best and worst thought I’ve ever had. As I casually strolled back through the crowd towards them standing outside work I noticed a few people directing horrified looks at my neck. As far as I could tell the blood flow had stopped but my neck and shoulder were covered along with most of the right side of my shirt. I suddenly felt weak at the knees and then it happened.

Everyone around me became irresistible and I had to suck the chemical out of all of them. I started to run but my knees wouldn’t let me. As I slowly got towards my friends they all smelt the same. The smell became more intense as I got my knees back and ran past them. The worried looks they gave me still haunt my dreams and I think Amanda shouted after me but I’ll never know.

Reports came to light later on, which differ from what I stole surprisingly, said that not everyone that had the chemical extracted had committed a Fatal Act. Two hundred thousand separate cases of people wrongly accused of fatal acts that had had the chemical extracted became completely different people. This quickly fuelled the countries news. But the country showed how fickle it could be when it forgot about the two hundred thousand after the discovery of my existence when the man who had bitten me, a ‘volunteer ‘and my creator was found. He eventually killed himself but only after revealing my full name and who I worked for. I always got teased about forgetting to remove my work badge when I left the building, maybe I should’ve listened.

I now know that I can accurately tell who will and who won’t commit a fatal act. I’m the ‘End Solution’. My creator was a prototype and the ‘End Solution’ can determine who’ll commit a fatal act and deal with it accordingly. They are completely unbiased as the chemical has never ‘Soiled their blood stream’. I’ve never had the chemical in my system so I’d never commit a fatal act which is why he chose me. He was the last experiment to go wrong and when he bit me I became the first one to go right.

They want me to return so badly and will do anything they can to help. I know that if I do return, they will apparently make me a ‘national hero’. All I can see in being a ‘national hero’ is being experimented on no matter how they sugar coat it. I’m not turning out like my creator or the two hundred thousand and why should I? With the power I have, I could rule the world.

I’ve been roaming around now for the past three months. I fed on a few people who had strong chemical smells coming from them and who turned out to be career criminals. I can walk near people, who all smell divine, and not attack them but I can only do this for six hours or so before wanting to drink them all. The only time I’ll be able to return is when I’m in complete control. Whatever they did to my creator has consequently made me gain muscle and my senses are much sharper. Thinking of which, I can smell them again. How did they find me? ‘

Feedback request!

Hello all,

This is a draft of a short story I’m working on entitled The End Solution. Have a read and I’d appreciate your feedback. Cheers

”  This attention following my unwanted rise to fame is running me ragged. They keep coming thick and fast even though they swear they mean me no harm. How can riot police scream such a phrase? I’m sure they can’t find me in here. I need to take my mind off this so I can relax and try to recover. I think it’s time to start my journal of this mess and how it all began.

Work was what it was nice, but a bore. I could do everything on my team without really thinking about it. The internet became half of my working day as a result.

“Hey! What you doin, son?” Peter said as he walked past. He did that all the time which was fairly annoying, but I’d give anything to hear those words again.

“Just looking at the latest news, kid. The End Solution is upon us.” I said in my most overacting manner. The government had decided that in order to finally combat crime, rape, paedophilia, fraud and anything else that was wrong with the United Kingdom they needed an ‘End Solution’. The government reports stated it would be ‘the perfect answer to all the fatal acts committed in this great country’. I remember being proud of my government at that point. That thought makes me feel very ill now though.

“How close are they?” Amanda had said. She was very smart and too good for the job she did. She also had the greatest body I’d ever seen. I was comfortably in the friend zone with her so I was near it a lot. That zone had its perks. I do miss those perks.

“Apparently they began testing this afternoon on volunteer soldiers who want to be the government’s new walking deterrent or ‘End Solution’. They’ll be able to locate anyone who is at a high risk of committing a fatal act and extract the chemical straight away.”

“How will they extract it?” Mark asked. He had a heart of gold and was a good friend. He was also conducting an affair with Amanda behind Peter’s back. Being a good friend and not wanting to get more involved than I already was made me keep it to myself. I’d like to see how they’re doing now but all I can see are their worried faces when I ran away.

“Doesn’t say.”

I didn’t think I’d miss them as much as I do. I know for a fact that if I did see them again, I would smell the smell and nothing else. I can control myself to a certain degree, but I can’t do it forever. It’s not a chance I’m willing to take.

That day continued as normal. The news reports constantly ran through my head. When the government first established that each person who committed a fatal act had a chemical in their blood that facilitated such an act I found it all so….intriguing. The tests they ran on the volunteers, criminals forced into it for freedom, conclusively showed that this chemical could be removed. And that the volunteers become incapable of committing a fatal act. From my desk I could see the building where those tests were being conducted and are still probably being conducted now. How would they locate and extract the chemical? Was the question that ran through my mind and it was something they never told anyone. I thought I’d be happy knowing the answer, but now that I do, I could live without it.

I left work and took the path which went right in front of the government building to go home. It’s an ominous thing to look at with its lord of the rings style two towers that seemed to glare down on people. Every so often the light would catch it and it almost looked like the towers had eyes. I continued until I saw the crowd outside its main entrance as usual. They’re always there trying to get information or complaining about the tests they were doing even though it had clearly made the country a better place. I glanced up at the windows of the smaller office building that joined the two towers together and saw my creator running wildly through the corridor. I was frozen in shock. It was all I could do.

He blasted through the main doors of the building with a wild and confused look in his eye. Hair everywhere and whatever wasn’t covered by hair was covered by blood. People were screaming and running but I just couldn’t move. I was thinking about why he was like that he’d reached me. His eyes seemed to say that he’d chosen me as he jumped and easily knocked me to the ground. Being tall and slim I could’ve dodged this, but his speed along with the look and feel of him I doubt it. When I tried to get him off me he looked me in the eye and I couldn’t and still can’t believe it. Was that happiness in his eyes? Like he was happy to attack me? Still in shock I allowed him to bite me and though it lasted only a minute I felt its effects immediately.

It felt like he was sucking and blowing on my neck. Taking blood out and putting it back in was what it was. When he jumped off me I could feel it course through my body. I had the overwhelming feeling that I was constantly drinking my favourite drink, but as I drank my thirst increased. It was as glorious as it was painful. I fell to the ground and as I got back up, the feeling changed. A distinct odour filled my nose and made my fingers tingle. It was the same feeling I get whenever I caught the smell of my favourite cake being made or meal being cooked. As people ran past, still screaming and frightened, they all gave off the same odour. I leant against a nearby pole and just took the smell in. It was like nothing I’d ever smelt before and it dawned on me that this was the smell of the chemical.

My thoughts were interrupted by a text message from Amanda. It said something like ‘RU ok? I can see people running around. If UR ok, we’re going for a drink in the usual place xx’. I genuinely thought to myself, Why not? I could have one drink and smell my friends, that has to go down as the best and worst thought I’ve ever had. As I casually strolled back through the crowd towards them standing outside work I noticed a few people directing horrified looks at my neck. As far as I could tell the blood flow had stopped but my neck and shoulder were covered. I suddenly felt weak at the knees and then it happened.

Everyone around me became irresistible and I had to suck it out of all of them. I started to run but my knees wouldn’t let me. As I slowly got towards my friends they all smelt the same but somehow completely different. The smell became more intense as I got my knees back and ran past them. The worried looks they gave me are all I have left and I think Amanda shouted after me but I’ll never know.

Reports came to light after I was bitten that not everyone that had the chemical extracted had committed a Fatal Act. Two hundred thousand separate cases of people wrongly accused of fatal acts that had had the chemical extracted became completely different people. This quickly fuelled the world’s news. But the world showed how fickle it can be when it forgot about the two hundred thousand after the discovery of my existence when my creator was found. He eventually killed himself but only after revealing my full name and who I worked for. I always got teased about forgetting to remove my work badge when I left the building, maybe I should’ve listened.

I now know that I can accurately tell who will and who won’t commit a fatal act. I’m an ‘End Solution Warrior’. The soldier was a prototype and the ‘End Solution’ can determine who’ll commit a fatal act and deal with it accordingly. They are completely unbiased as the chemical has never ‘Soiled their DNA’. I’ve never had the chemical in my system so I’d never commit a fatal act which is why he chose me. He was the last experiment to go wrong and when he bit me I became the first one to go right which is why the government want me to return so badly. But if I do return, because I’m their property after you sift through all the rubbish that fills their reports, they will apparently make me a ‘national hero’. All I can see in being a ‘national hero’ is being experimented on no matter how they sugar coat it. I’m not turning out like my creator or the two hundred thousand.

I’ve been roaming around now for the past three months and I can walk near people, who all smell divine, and not attack them. I can only do this for six hours or so before wanting to drink them all. The footage of my family on the news pleading for me to return is heartbreaking but I just can’t as I fear their lives will be in danger. The only time I’ll be able to return is when I’m in complete control. Whatever they did to my creator, apart from the chemical thirst, has made me gain muscle and my senses are much sharper. Thinking of which, I can smell them again. How did they find me? “