Month: January 2014

What a day this is.


I’ve managed to go 30 days without drinking any alcohol and I feel great about it. So, there is only one thing to do. Celebrate!
But, which one of these will help me do that. Hmmmm…..(strokes beard in thoughtful manner)


Congratulations as well to all those who have had a dry January. Now, to that hard decision I have to make.

Bye bye


One chapter too long. But that is what edits are for right?


I’ve continued to write the End Solution and to my huge grin, which turned to slight annoyance straight after, I realised that the chapter I had just finished was twice the size of all the other chapters in the story so far. I would potentially do this for the ending of a story but not just passed half way. I’ll have to get to stream lining that ten page monster (compared to all the other five page normal sized creatures) in the edit. Or maybe I should do it now. I’m not sure. What do you think?

That cold I mentioned last time still hasn’t completely gone away. And it will go away because I can’t be ill for what’s coming this Friday. I’m sure you are all aware and are either applauding me or frowning as if to pretend you don’t know, it’s TNA Impact Wrestling from the Manchester Arena. Me and my friend try and go every year and it has never disappointed. It will also be the day I break my self-imposed, no beer plan and get back on it. I just hope I don’t get so ratted I miss the event. I’m sure I won’t. Hopefully.

I’ve started to renew my relationship with one of the websites I used to frequent. Critique Circle has always been a valuable way for me to get good, solid feedback and to read other writer’s Fantasy and Sci-Fi stories. If you are not aware, the idea of the site is as follows:

  1. You read other peoples stories from any genre you like and critique them once you are done.
  2. The more in depth your critique is, the more credits you will receive.
  3. Once you have 3 credits, you can submit a story of your own.
  4. Other authors will then critique your story and your feedback has arrived!

I’ve read one fantasy story and now have enough credits to submit my own work. I’ll let you know how that goes in due course.

Right then. I’m off to read and write.

Bye Bye

Editing, Writing, A Cold, Oh My!



Following on from my last post, I edited the first few pages of the first chapter of my vision-of-the-future story, The End Solution.

One of the pieces of helpful feedback I received from my last post was to try to picture the street that the start of the chapter takes place on. I walk up and down said street every day and have done so for the past ten months, so this should have been a no brainer and something I should’ve considered. Captain Hindsight, I know your pain. Anyway, I pictured it and made some changes and immediately thought it read a lot better. I’m a little bit biased (Surprised?) but it was easier and smoother to read compared to what was there before it. I closed my eyes to picture the street and it didn’t take long for me to write enough of a description to hopefully set the scene and put the reader in the story alongside the characters. Or floating above them or walking just behind them at least.

I also changed what I thought was needed to put the story out of the passive and into the active voice. Again the story was smoother to read and was a lot more gripping. Actually putting the reader into the action instead of telling them about it like it happened a few minutes ago. As in, if you had changed from your work shoes to your boots to go home before the end of work instead of at the end of it, you would have seen it. Anyway, all in all I’m happy with the progress I’ve made so I may post the edited version on here at some point.

I continued to write the rest of The End Solution after doing this and I reckon I’m about five to ten chapters from the end of it. Although, I don’t know which of three possible, up to now, endings I’m going to use. But, like with all the other long stories I’ve written, the ending will come to me all of a sudden and I won’t be able to stop writing. I do enjoy that part.

Right then, thank you for reading and I’m going to get back to it. Oh, and the cold part of the title refers to a cold I picked up, after a small bout of food poisoning, that slightly ruined my week. It’s gone now though. I’m beginning to think giving up beer for thirty days was a bad idea. My body seems to be telling me so.

Good Pie

Thanking you and moving forward.

Hello all,

My last post concerned the first page of the novel I’ve started to write, and will pick up again soon until it’s finished, from NaNoWriMo 2013. I asked for constructive feedback and received it quickly and efficiently. It will always amaze me how in some cases complete strangers can be extremely helpful. In this and in life in general. Anyway…

I would like to thank, in no particular order, Quinne Darkover (awesome name) who sent me, in a separate attachment, in the margin feedback on my story sample. It was very helpful and when I go to edit my story I will refer to your comments thoroughly. Sean Cleary, who is always helpful with feedback and straight to the point which is what I prefer for this type of thing, Lori Fetters Lopez ( @fetterslopez ) who gave me a very good insight as per usual. She also mentioned about passive voice use which has shaped my edit massively. Always reliable. Prof Godel Fishbreath (another good name) who gave me some food for thought regarding my starting paragraph. And my good friend and new follower to this blog, Leigh Yeats ( ), who advised me well and showed me some good reference material and feedback regarding passive voice use. Thank you to you all.

So, from all of this I have gone over the page and made some adjustments. Most of them were making it read in the active voice and not the passive where applicable. I always seem to have trouble with this. I know what the difference is between active and passive voice but I always seem to forget about it at the crucial time. When I’m writing! It is very annoying but that’s why I asked for feedback. Otherwise I would be walking around thinking I had the voices in the bag.

Okidoke, I’m going to leave you now. Going to go and continue reading Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, which is shaping up to be epic. I’ll be looking at my story again tomorrow so I’ll let you know how that goes. Hopefully I won’t go nuts and decide to change the whole thing. From what the feedback so far has told me, it’s pretty solid. And I agree.

Bye Bye

A small slice of my NaNoWriMo 2013 novel. Constructive feedback is most welcome.


Today I’m going to share with you the first page of my 2/3 of the way finished novel for NaNoWriMo 2013, The End Solution. If you’d be so kind, could you read it and give me some constructive feedback. But before all of that, here’s a bit of a plot summary…

The government found out about the chemical, which flows through just about everyone and controls whether or not they commit a crime depending on how much of it is in their system, and how to extract it. A person who has had the chemical extracted will never commit another crime. This has led to them cleaning up the UK and making it virtually crime free. But, they rule with an iron fist and ‘remove’ anyone who talks about them in a negative way. After one of their experiments escapes and bites quiet and reserved office worker Bruce Avenly on the neck, they have achieved their ultimate dream. They have created a walking deterrent against crime. Bruce can extract the chemical when he wants by sucking it out of someone then and there. Bruce finds that everything about him ten times better and his confidence is through the roof. He is declared an outlaw after they first claim to want his help, then want him dead. Can Bruce find out the answers he needs before the chemical thirst takes over? Can he help free a scared UK out of a dictatorship? Or will he use his new found gifts to terrorize those he loves and everyone else?

Like the title says, your constructive feedback is welcome and if you have any questions, just ask. It has only been through a few edits but I’m looking for some initially reaction to it before I continue my edit. Cheers

The End Solution by John Robert Sermon.

Most of the time he struggled to smell anything else but the chemical. Bruce Avenly has been walking around like this for the last four months and the only time he didn’t smell the chemical was when he passed out due to sleep deprivation.

His face had been plastered all over the government reports and country wide newspapers. There was page after page of glorious lies that they, from the looks of things, had spent a lot of time and money on to turn the country against him. I’m now some kind of monster to be feared? He thought. He stopped walking and moved to the inside of the pavement.

“The chemical is ripe in someone close by.” He said to himself. He lent against the wall of a pub he always used to walk past on his way home. He had never been in there or ever wanted to. But he did find himself missing the routine of walking past it ten times a week to and from work. It certainly beat being an outlaw, he reasoned. He shook off his latest sentimental moment and glanced around for who it might be. He remembered that the last one took a lot of effort and blood loss to completely extract the chemical from. Even then he wasn’t sure it would cure them completely as he never waited around long enough to find out.

“There you are.” He said not caring who could hear him. He looked across the road over four lanes of traffic, the farthest smelling yet he briefly contemplated, at a scrawny looking woman with thin, ravaged, dirty blond hair. She looked drawn and very frail. He took a deep breath and smelt the chemical that was coursing through her veins. It smelt like it always did. A rich tangy metallic smell with a hint of sweat and salt. He both loved and hated the it in equal measure. He casually walked to the nearest crossing and made his way over to her side of the road.

“I’ll get the money tonight mate. Don’t worry.” She said loudly down her phone. Bruce kept a good distance behind her and even if he had stayed on the other side of the road he could’ve clearly smelt her. The scent is always strongest in people who will or who have committed serious crimes. He was confident he could over power her as he always is in the prelude to extracting the chemical. It was the screaming and blood he had to worry about. She pocketed the phone and turned down an alleyway. One of many things Bruce loved about Manchester was how in most cases one alleyway led into another which will eventually lead you back to its centre or back to where you started. He had tried to explain this to a lot of people but they could only slightly understand what he was saying. He remembered mumbling a lot before he became what he is today. He did prefer some things about being human than being a chemical vampire but he hated a lot of things as well. His lack of confidence to say what he wanted to say or do what he wanted to do was something he did not miss at all.

He looked around to see where she was. He spotted her in the distance standing on a street corner. She was stepping from side to side and waiting for something. He knew what she was waiting for. She moved like every other prostitute he’d ever seen. But the chemical was so rich within her that she was more of a danger to her client’s life than the average prostitute was. A silver BMW drove passed and then slowly turned around. Bruce quickly walked up to the car as it pulled up next to her.

Happy New Year and all that. Best get back to it then.


Hope you all had an enjoyable new year’s eve. I spent mine with my girlfriend, my parents, sister, brother in law and my nephew. It was nice and chilled just how I like it really. I’m not a big fan of NYE and I only really like it when I’m spending it a house party/gathering or not at all. Does that make me a scrooge for NYE? There’s a story in that somewhere….

Anyway, after a month away from writing I must get back to it. I read a pledge the other day which went ‘I pledge to write one page per day in January.’ Sounds like a plan. Although I didn’t get any done yesterday and I won’t get any done today. I’ll have to plan how to catch up. It’s nanowrimo all over again. Or whatever the shortened version of it is.

A page a day will get me back into the swing of things. I reckon I’ll start by editing the first page of my nanowrimo 2013 (not completely but enough for now) and posting it on here. If u fancy a read, I’ll put a synopsis up with the excerpt soon.

Okidoke. Well, I’m going to start thinking, as my laptop isn’t with me and I’m off work so I’m trying not to do anything at all, of what I do after the editing is done.

Good pie